Latest posts by Bilna Sandeep (see all)
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All moms swear by how difficult and busy life can get once you have kids. No matter how organised a person we are, how much of dedication we have towards our family and kids, how much of efforts we put in, at the end of the day (well maybe not everyday) there are things we moms regret. There are the moments we regret and we wished if we were more careful, the moment our little one fell down, for a second when we took to look at our phones, or something or the other. There are times our kids fall sick and we regret and blame ourselves for not properly taking care of our kids. Some times, on the days when everything goes miraculously perfect, we still look back and realize, while everything we did right for the family on that day, we forgot to give ourselves a shower. I know life goes on and the Guilt Free Motherhood is sometimes a dream for most of us.
There is hardly any women I met who has not had even a pang of guilt sometime or the other. While I was a kid, I used to always ask my mom to watch the movies we play at home with me. I wanted her company, when she would tell me you can start the movie and I will join you once I finish the dishes. But I never used to like the idea of her missing the earlier parts of the movie and I would either wait up or keep nagging her till she joins me. Not only while I was a little girl, it used to be the same everyday until I got married. Yesterday, while I was doing the dishes, my two year old kept nagging and crying for me to join him in the couch to watch his favorite cartoon and I found myself complaining How my son always wants me to sit with him and never lets me finish my cores. Today as I started writing this piece, I remembered how I used to love my mom to watch the movies with me. Again a moment of Guilt has stricken.
Do these things everyday for a Guilt Free Motherhood.
So many of us, including myself try to be a Super Mom and try to do so much of things everyday, that we end up exhausted with so many for tasks still left in our To-Do List. While I have been thinking on this, I realize, chores we have at home and work are always important. But not so important that when left incomplete, it should land us in a state of depression. Sometimes a little 5 more minutes you spend in the bed before waking up, hugging your kids, talking to them, listening to them, can give you so much more of relief and rejuvenate you more than if you could tick of every task you had for the day.
2. Prioritize your Works
Now realizing your limitations does not mean we could make it an excuse to leave all the chores behind. We always need to prioritize what works the best for our family. For some of us waking up and hour early before the kids wake up may become a solution to some extend. Some of us stay late night after the kids are asleep to finish some of those extra tasks we leave behind. Set some extra time when you could find most of your productivity and do the tasks that are most important for the day in the time slot available.
3. Keep your kids away
Yes! I meant it. A good mother is not the one who always keep their kids glued to her. Instead, we need to teach them to be independent and be on their own. This doesn’t mean leave them to learn their own life. Every kid needs to spend some time without us in the company of others (only the people you trust – not some random nanny you find through a classified).
They need to learn to mingle with others and learn to socialize. This is a lesson I learned the hard way. I thought I was doing the best for my boy, being a Stay at Home Mom. But now, at the age of two, I find him being uncomfortable when we have guest at home, when we go to our relatives places. These are now the times I think, Am I doing the best for my kid being a Stay At Home Mom? He’s now a Mama’s boy completely and very much attached to his mom to the extend that he gets totally fussy in the company of others. We live in a nuclear family. Its just the dad and mom he sees everyday and that’s it.
Now I realize the mistake I made – in not giving him an opportunity to socialise ( I don’t regret being a Stay At Home Mom. I Still believe that was one of the best decisions I made, after asking 10 Practical Questions to Myself) Now I am trying to get rid of the guilt by sending him to a day care I trust for a few hours a day. In the beginning, he was too fussy and I had to sit with him everyday for a week to get him adjust to the company of others. Now he loves his friends and is totally a happy boy every time I go pick him back.
4. Give Yourself some “ME” time
Whatever kind of mother you are, Work from home, stay at home, working mom, the “Me” time is really important. Yesterday, at the end of a long day, I was all frustrated and was almost at my break down point. After Dinner, I was too frustrated with the chores I still had left and was already too tired and wanted to hit the bed. I realized I was doing too much and really wanted a break. Finally after my hubby and kid went to bed, I found myself in the living room, sitting all to myself, with no TV, Internet or Phone. I sat there in the dark for 10 minutes. Though I was all sleepy I wanted that break and a few minutes for myself too badly. You have no idea, how much rejuvenated I was today.
(Read our Article: How to be a Happier Mom? )
Make sure you have at least 10 minutes of “Me” time everyday, without the kids, without the TV, Internet or any distractions. You have no idea, how much difference it can make in your lives.
5. Spend Quality Time with Kids
Just being with your kids whole day, or the whole night after work is not quality time. Make sure you spare some time out of your day at least for half an hour to one hour only for your kids. Discover some activities that interests your kids and do it along with them. Take them out to a garden to play and don’t just sit watching them play. Go play with them.
Find some time together to bake together if your kid is a little older , or let them water your plants in the garden with you. Make use of the 9 Golden Minutes of the day with your kids. These are the minutes that have the most important impact on your kids ( I found this lovely concept from powerofmoms.com
- The first three minutes after kids wake up.
- The First three minutes after they return from School.
- The last three minutes of the day before they go to bed.
Now don’t regret if you are not present during these times with your kids due to work. But I am sure most of the mom’s can make sure they get at least one of it. Right Moms??
Now what are your tactics for a Guilt Free Motherhood? Would love to hear about them. Leave your comments below.
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